Monday, February 23, 2009

billowing joy

She sat crouching with her back against the cold, hard wall. A white sheet was pulled over her head and hung limply, coming to rest just beyond her feet. The fabric rippled gently with every breath she took, and she waited patiently in the cold silence of the apartment. Then, deep from beneath the floorboards, an eruption of air escaped the vent between Madelyn's feet. She shrieked, catching the flapping sheet sent sailing through the air. She quickly repositioned her shelter and secured it to the ground with her hands and feet. Laughing, she marveled at the dome of air that formed around her. The warmth seemed to penetrate her frozen limbs and she heaved a great sigh. A muted light fell through the cover. Her eyelids soon began to droop. But the air began to turn colder and gradually, ceased to blow. The billowing sheet fell, again coming to rest atop Madelyn's head. She could feel the warmth leaving. Her muscles tightened and her toes curled.
Lifting the drape from her face, Madelyn stared at the door. The faint clamor of hurried foot steps echoed in the hallway outside. The noise grew closer and closer until, finally, it seemed as though the person were right outside her doorway. The footsteps stopped. Her heart began to race. A silent white light flashed through the room followed by the earsplitting scream of the fire alarm. The footsteps picked up again, but this time in a run. Plugging her ears, Madelyn started toward the door, planning to head downstairs. As she rose to go, however, a smile broke across her face. Grabbing her coat from the foot of her bed, she pivoted toward the nearest window. In screeching defiance the pane slid open, and Madelyn stepped out onto the fire escape. The morning air was not much colder than that inside, but she shivered as the thin metal shifted beneath her weight. Rounding the corners of the spiraling stair, she imagined an escape from a murderous captor, skipping steps as she jumped along. A grasping hand stretched out to tear her dress, inches away. With frightening speed, the ladder swung Madelyn towards the ground. Landing heavily, she regained her balance on the slick surface and reveled in her evasion.
The residents of the apartment building had formed in a mob outside the front entrance, and as Madelyn approached, she could hear the disquiet among her neighbors. Offered with a strong waft of liquor, a bystanding woman breathed, "Some goddamned kid..."

4 comments:

  1. 1. The post flows really well, and it does a good job of creating tension as she imagines the excitement of her situation.

    2. I think interaction with other characters would help develop her own character. It could show how she deals with people in the real world when she's not in her fantasy world.

    3. She seems to live completely in the moment. Maybe you could explore that.

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  2. Good use of tension and blurring between reality and imagination, and I agree that more external interaction would help the development of your character. Good descriptions of setting and action.

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  3. Great description of setting. You can place yourself right there next to her.

    Social interaction will give the reader glimpses into who your character really is.

    She seems to try and enjoy every moment, a good quality.

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  4. I love the idea/image of the heating vent! Catherine-you are a true artist and photographer-you think of the world in images (Reminds me of Annie Dillard...check her out...seriously). However, like others have said, your sensory description gives us little insight into what's going on inside Madelyn's head, but this may not be a bad thing. Perhaps Madelyn is a tough, mysterious cookie to crack - through the subtle actions of the character, readers are forced to make their own assumptions about her. I've noticed that Madelyn has a wild imagination and a sense of adventure-maybe she's not the biggest talker…like her author? We all want to know Madelyn...! So give us a little more character development-what is her story? Create conflict-or context!

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